Maree is a Writer: May 2008

I remember the telephone. It was black and cordless. It was a big deal when we first got that phone. We'd had a regular phone, the one with the old-fashioned rotating dial for a long time. It finally died and we finally got a more modern one. It was still big and clunky though - this was the time before cell phones the size of a small tv remote.

On the night he died, I took that phone into the backyard, where the stars shone brightly in a crisp sky and called my Uncle.

"Can you come? Dad isn't doing very well"

I was trying not to cry. Tears would come later. He died before my Uncle got there. He died while we stood there, me clutching that damn phone. He just stopped breathing. Gone. For some reason I thought there would be an epic struggle. He would fight for life, and death would indulge him, knowing who the victor would be. But he didn't struggle. The struggle had taken place for months. Months of doctors, of radiation treatment, of hair loss, of carers traipsing in and out of our home, of a gradual weakening of body and spirit.

Who could blame him? I remember after he took his last breath. I remember starting to cry, really cry. Then she looked at me, looking into me and I knew I had to stop. I had to curb my grief so she could grieve. I sometimes think I am still curbing my grief so she can grieve. She didn't ask me to do this, or expect me to do it. Somehow I decided her loss was greater than mine. I still believe that, four years on.

Sometimes the sheer magnitude of my loss overwhelms me and I am convinced it is a loss I will never truly recover from. He died that night, but so did a part of me. I was altered forever. That girl, clutching that phone, watching her father die no longer exists. You see, when you know - really know - that death eventually claims all, you look at life differently. It has darker undertones. You become more comfortable with the notion of death. You don't look away, you don't 'not think about it'. I have met death and I am not frightened. Another side effect of an unimaginable loss - you know that you can live through anything, even the unlivable.

We no longer have that cordless phone.

My name is Maree and I have a book problem.

The photo above is of the current stack of books I am reading. Yes, that's right, I am in the process of reading all eleven of those books. I am not sure why I am reading so many books at any one time. One of the biggest reasons is that I borrow books from the library a lot. When I get a library book - usually by special order from another library and thus the loan period is reduced from 3 weeks to around 2 weeks - I launch straight into the library book, putting all other reading on hold. Another reason is because I read a lot of personal development books and these usually require extended reading times. You hae to read, complete exercises, digest...it takes time and usually these kinds of books can't be read all in one hit. So I'll be reading one of them, a few different novels, a library book or two and a trashy romance. Let's go through the pile one by one, shall we?

Money Magic: Unleashing Your True Potential for Prosperity and Fulfillment

I read about this book on Life Unfolds where Jennifer Lee was discussing her experiences in a 'Money Circle' and how she figured out what money type she was. She linked to a quiz you could take to see what money type you are, so I took the quiz and was quite impressed. The quiz writer had a book, and this is it. So far I like it. There are many exercises to do, but I'm all for trying to change my thoughts on being "poor". It's like I was a poor student for so long I'm unable to grasp that I now make a decent income and therefore I am decidedly NOT poor. My mother recently made mention of the idea of "poverty of thought" whereby you basically decide you are poor in your head and thus you are. I'm interested in changing the way I look at my relationship with money and this book is hopefully a big step in that direction.

Creative Journal Writing - The Art and Heart of Reflection

I saw this beautiful book by well known Australian author Stephanie Dowrick in my local bookstore about a year ago and decided to check the library to see if they had a copy before purchasing one. It's not always convenient, especially with a book like this which needs to be worked through and digested. But at least I know I like the book and would like to own it as opposed to buying it outright and being disappointed. Anyway, I forgot about looking for this book at the library and accidentally came across it a few months back. I've renewed it about 4 times and I've stalled a bit at the moment, even though I'm only about 30 pages from finishing up. I'll definitely try and get this one read in the next few weeks. I'm tempted to take it with me on my European trip...it definitely would help fill up the pages of my journal!

The Velveteen Principles for Women: How to Shatter the Myth of Perfection and Embrace All That You Really Are

I just love the book The Velveteen Rabbit. If you haven't read it go and read it right now!!!! It is a lovely children's story of how a soft toy rabbit is so utterly and completely loved by a child that his button eye falls out, his fur is worn away and I seem to recall the other toys don't like him very much. But the Velveteen Rabbit is loved so much and so completely that he becomes Real. Yes, Real with a capital R. It chokes me up just thinking about it! The author of this book - Toni Raiten-D'Antonio takes the idea of the Velveteen Rabbit and applies it to personal development. This book, specifically for women, is her third book in the series I think. I have read around 20 pages and really liked it, but I seem to have lost my way with getting back to it. It has been under my bed for months and I just dragged it out today. I must get back to it!

The Anti 9 to 5 Guide: Practical Career Advice for Women Who Think Outside the Cube

I found this book and Michelle Goodman's blog after she did an interview with Kimberly Wilson of Hip Tranquil Chick and thought 'Anti 9 - 5 sounds just like me!!!' If you know me at all, you know I despise working full time. Full time work is for lunatics, weirdos and people with no life. I mean seriously - how many of you love working 5 days a week? Not many, I'll bet. I'm not against work - I'd happily work three or four days a week. But full time work SUCKS. Michelle Goodman doesn't really go down the road that I've just gone down in her book though. Thankfully she is more focused on how to get out of the cube and start doing something you love for yourself. She is a freelance writer and works out of her home. Some of her advice is more relevant to freelance writers or those who want to be freelance writers, but some of it is really interesting and very practical. She also has a great sense of humour and I literally laugh out loud at some of the things she says in the book. Not sure why I've stalled on this one either. It's high on the pile of books to finish reading.

Obligatory Mills and Boon Romance

No need to post an image on this book. It is one in a never ending parade of romances I read. Sometimes I love these books - I can finish one in about 2 hours and I enjoy them in the process, some more than others. I like to travel with a stack of them because I read them and leave them in random places - airport seats, hotel rooms, buses. I actually threw one from the 8th floor window of the hotel I stayed at in Melbourne. Not sure what I thought I was doing - I just sort of did it. It was quite exhilarating really, and it landed in an alley where I suppose it may or may not have been found. I started my current book in Melbourne and haven't got back to it. From memory it's about some rich dude interested in some woman who is caring for her brother's children since his wife died and said rich dude has given grieving brother a contract to build something or other that might save brother's business. He also has a big country house and a bunch of lame animals (they are really lame - a donkey with one leg missing, some old dogs and a few ancient sheep) that he inherited from the previous owner. Anyway, I'm sure they'll end up happily ever after, so there is no rush to finish this one!

The Japan Diet: The Secret to Effective and Lasting Weight Loss

I picked this book up in Borders in Melbourne for $7.95. I've been to Japan and for the most part (don't get me wrong, there are plenty of western foods in Japan) the meals are smaller portions, a lot of variety and very rice and fish based. I had some great Japanese food in Japan, but I've actually become more interested in Japanese food in the last few years (thanks to Caroline Gilbert and her nose for awesome Japanese food) so I really do need to get back to Japan and eat more Japanese food! In any case I'm only up to the introduction of this book, written by a Japanese woman who moved to the USA and gained about 12kg in 4 months. I'm interested in the book's premise so I'll keep going with this one.

Storm Season: Thieves World Book Four

Ah...the Thieves World saga. I wrote about this books in my previous post at number 55. These books were first printed in the late 1970's and were perhaps the first (and last?) truly successful fantasy anthology. Written by half a dozen different writers and composed of somewhere between 6 and 8 short stories, the Thieves World cast of characters is nothing short of amazing. The authors borrow each other's characters and spin webs of intrigue and slaughter in the strange little town of Sanctuary. I have a thing for one of the characters who is the favoured son of the Rankan God Vashanka. His name is Tempus and despite his not so nice character (he's a bit of a shit really) he interests me a great deal, and I don't think I'm alone as Tempus has about 3 books written about him (including the weirdly named 'Tempus Takes Manhattan'). Despite my fascination with this series and its 12 - 14 books, I seem incapable of finishing the series. I'm currently stalled at book four. I LOVE these books but there is a weird sense of reluctance when it comes to reading the series. The characters live on it my head though, and I think about them fairly often, and have done for about 15 years. Interesting.

Myrren's Gift

I saw this book advertised in a book catalogue (as I always say - Happiness is a book catalogue) and thought it sounded interesting. At over 600 pages it is quite the fantasy epic, especially when you know it is the first in a trilogy. I try not to read too many massive fantasy epics. I've read The Belgariad and The Mallorean and those 10 books are possibly the greatest fantasy epics ever written. Fiona McIntosh is an Australian author and I like to read Australian writers so I decided to give this one a bash. I admit I was surprised at the major twist in the book. I was pretty taken aback actually. I'm about 70 pages off being done with it, having read about 250 pages this weekend, and I like it, but I think I'll wait a few months before looking for Book 2. My main beef with it is that it is pitched pretty low and there is a lot of tooling around and it feels like things that could take 10 pages take about 30. But I'm fond of Fynch the Drop Boy and Knave the Dog so all is good.

Come and Get Me

Okay, I'll admit it. This book is sheer erotica. It's hard core - no fancy stuff, no Mills and Boon, no fluffy stuff. It involves raw sex, and a lot of it, with multiple partners, fantasies etc. I read about this book in my newsletter from Temptation: The Romance Bookstore in Subiaco. I bought this one, and another one which is all about 3 brothers who fall in love with one woman, and she with them... Anyway, there is a relationship at the centre of this book and it is a loving one so it isn't exactly pornography. It's about two people who are about to get married and the woman is worried that their sex life isn't interesting enough so she takes off and makes the guy chase her around the world. They explore their fantasies on the way and yeah, so there is a group sex scene. They're into it, so why should I have a problem with it? Not sure why I stalled on this one either. I'll probably have to re-read it as it has been months since I started it and I'm only about quarter of the way through.

Medicine for the Earth: How to Transform Personal and Environmental Toxins

I'm not sure why I bought this book. It is interesting enough, but not an area I'm overly interested in. I just re-read the blurb and I think I bought it because I used to have a thing about going to this one expensive "new age" bookstore and buying over-priced books. I think I was just trying to soak up the atmosphere and I thought I could get something out of buying books in that place. I don't really care much for the shop these days. The book seems to be about transmutation to reverse the pollution of the earth which is interesting, but whilst it has a bookmark (a bookmark I don't even recognise actually!) in it, I have no memory of reading it. So back on the shelf it goes methinks. Weird.

So there you go. That's what I'm currently reading. Hopefully I'll finish off a few of them in the next week or so! I get a great deal of satisfaction from finishing books so I should do it more often and not let things get so out of hand. Especially when I'm enjoying almost all of these books and have no idea why I stopped reading them! The purpose of this post was to re-energise me about them and I believe it has done the job. Excuse me, I'm off to read...

Maree is a Writer

Thursday, May 22, 2008

My so called life...

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Sunday Scribblings: Telephone

I have a book problem...

Caroline's Wedding