Sunday Scribblings - Punishment and Rewards

It occurs to me that at times punishments are rewards, and rewards are punishments.

An employee might be rewarded with a bonus, only to be punished by having to work longer hours and spend more time away from her family. Then there is the overweight and depressed man who rewards himself with a supersized quarter pounder meal from McDonalds because he survived another day of work, another day of life. But somewhere deep inside he knows he is really punishing his body with gluggy fast food, and punishing himself by hiding from the world under layers of fatty protection. Many people reward themselves with expensive houses, cars and holidays, only to be punished when they get into financial debt and have to work very hard just to pay back what they owe.

At the core of this is the idea that things are not always what they seem to be. At first glance, a still pond appears to be a mirror, offering reflections. Touch the water and ripples distort the image and the true nature and depth of the lake is revealed. The same with rewards and punishments.

Maybe the trick is not to see a "reward" in consumption. Our society is set up for consuming goods and services as rewards. I do it all the time. It works, for a little while. I accumulate "things", some of which bring me comfort and joy, but most of which just become possessions, with little emotional attachment and usually little functionality.

I wonder what I could replace consumer rewards with? Certainly not more alone time with myself. I think that's why I go to malls and movies - to try and get away from me, and forget me for a while. I am so sick of my own bullshit. I read all these books for women who are frantically busy and don't get enough alone time (these women are wives and mothers presumably) and I think "What about me? I have too much goddamn alone time".

So this week I will try and think of non-consumer rewards - any suggestions?