Dear 2008

I've read a few blogs that have used the format "Dear 2008" to sort of farewell the year and move on. Last year I tried the Mondo Beyondo method and found it to be useful, so I think I'll mix up the two approaches and see how I go.

Dear 2008,

Now that you're gone, I'm not sure what to say. I was ready for you to go, but that's me. I'm itchy. I need to know that time is passing, things are moving. I often remind myself that time moves at the same speed whether I'm enjoying myself or not. In the next breath I try to deconstruct the notion of time. It doesn't exist really, it is just one more thing we use to try and control life. I like control. I like to know what is happening. 2008 was a year for me to let go of that a bit.

2008 was a year of travel. I took my first trip to Melbourne to see a very dear friend of mine get married. I loved Melbourne, and I couldn't believe it took me so long to get there. The trams, the little alleys, the shopping, the bookstores, the food, the markets...I heart Melbourne. I took a surprise trip to the UK and Europe. By "surprise" I mean that I had no idea I was going, and had in fact decided not to travel for a while and concentrate on paying off my credit cards. Then the email for the writer's retreat to Scotland found its way into my inbox and before you know it, I had decided to go there, and for my first trip to Europe. I am so glad I did. I'm a different person now that the sunny days and starlit nights of Rome, Paris, Lucerne and Florence have soaked into my body and soul. My most recent trip was to Cairns, to visit my wonderful cousin and her equally wonderful (if not slighty more so...) baby Kaylee Maree, and to Sydney to see my soul friend Caroline. Travel is an intrinsic part of who I am. While certain parts of taking a journey upset and distress me (I like control, remember? Travel is rarely controlled), the pay off is worth it, one hundred times over. There will be more travel in 2009, oh yes there will.

2008 was the year my cousin gave birth to the incredible spirit that is Kaylee Maree. Oh Kaylee, how we longed for your arrival. And how much you have brought with you. When all hope seems to be lost, we only have to look into your eyes to know that there is so much more. My cousin gave Kaylee my name as a middle name. I don't think I've ever been more honoured by anything in my life. That she loves me so much that her child carries my name is such a beautiful thing.

2008 heralded the arrival of Mollie Moo. Actually, she arrived in late December 2007, but close enough. Mollie (also known as "The Moo" or just "Moo") was rescued from the pound. I saw her picture on a local animal shelter website and decided she might just be the one. I wanted a similar dog to a golden retriever as I already had the noble steed that is Hopie. We went to visit Mollie and I decided to take her home. I then cried the whole way home, worried that I had ruined Hopie's life and my life and who was this new dog anyway? I stuck it out, and how very glad I am that I did. Mollie and I were meant to be together. Mollie with her tail that wags almost constantly, Mollie who gets up every time I enter a room to come and greet me, Mollie who looks at me with adoration in her eyes, Mollie who if I woke up and called her name in the night would come in a heartbeat. Mollie who cost me $3000 after deciding to eat half a towel. But we won't talk about that too much. I love my Mollie Moo with all of my heart, and I'm so glad we've found each other. I'm also very glad that Hopie has adjusted to being a big sister. It makes me smile when I watch Mollie lay down very close to Hopie, and Hopie heaves a big sigh and lets her lay there. Ah, Hopie baby dog, we're about to begin the 5th year of our journey together and you warm my heart and my soul. I don't think I would have survived the past five years without you.

2008 was the year of writing. I wrote and wrote and wrote. I found my rhythm, lost it, found it again. I let the words flow where they wanted to. I began. I found my way. I participated in NaNoWriMo and won, clocking over 51,000 words. Yay! I am a writer these days and my novel will be published. Watch this space.

Notice how I've carefully recorded events and not emotions. Now for Mondo Beyondo:

1. What do you want to acknowledge yourself for in regard to 2008?

I want to acknowledge how far I've come with my writing. It was all just a frgmented dream this time last year, and now it is much more tangible. I can taste it (it tastes like sweet spring water), I can smell it (it smells like fresh reams of neatly stacked paper and soft incense), I can feel it (it feels like fire that burns without pain, it feels like soft rain, it feels like a bagel - strong and shiny on the outside, soft and wooly on the inside) and I can hear it (it sings to me in the softest of breaths). I'm so proud of myself.

I want to acknowledge how I shifted my approach to my working day. These shifts have led to new opportunities for 2009, which are both exciting and frightening.

I want to acknowledge my weigh loss journey. I lost 15kg, which is a major achievement. It's sad to me that I've put on about 9 of the kilos I lost. It's a continuing battle, and not an easy one.

2. What is there to grieve about 2008?

I grieve for dreams and fantasies that remain unfulfilled and out of reach. I grieve for her, the other me, my opposite. I grieve for the fact that I am without a parent, and I grieve for the loss of innocence that comes with losing a parent, not just for me, but for everyone who has ever lost their mother or father.

I forgive myself for not being perfect, for not being debt free, for not being a lawyer, for not being a mother or a wife. I forgive myself for getting angry and for being demanding with myself and others.

3. What else do you need to say about the year to declare it complete?

I think I've said most of what I wanted to say. I declare 2008 complete and I'm looking forward to seeing how 2009 will unfold.

Your pal,

Maree

There is a second part to Mondo Beyondo...I expect I'll get to it soon enough.