Waking up

I feel like I am waking up to who I truly am.

The picture above is the completed first draft of my novel.

185 pages and almost 85,000 words.

I still have a long way to go, but at least I am moving.

Creative Therapy - What do I put off doing?

This is my first time participating in a Creative Therapy prompt. I've been following the blog for a while, but I've let myself be intimidated by the artists that take part. Who am I to take part? I'm not an artist! So go the voices in my head.

This week's prompt is Tell us about something that you always put off doing. Why?


I always put off cleaning up. Always. Certain rooms in my house are in a permanently messy state. I think part of the problem is that I have too much stuff for such a small space. Even when I do put it away, the storage isn't adequate so it bursts out again and I can't be bothered with putting it away and I just give up. I guess the answer to my ongoing battle is to either get more storage or throw out more stuff. Both are good ideas!

Art details: This is my little art journal I got from McCabe at The Dancing Mermaid. I stuck double sided tape on each page and dotted on confetti. I cut the lettering out of gold cardboard and distressed it slightly with sandpaper. I've started using a lot more double sided tape in my journal because glue (and acrylic paint) makes the paper scrunch up.

Compared to the wonderful efforts over at Creative Therapy I know mine isn't much, but I'm proud of myself for just taking part!

Book Review: Pen on Fire by Barbara DeMarco Barrett

Pen on Fire
Barbara DeMarco Barrett

This book has changed my life. I purchased it in November 2006 when I was living in San Antonio, Texas and it was one of my first purchases in the genre of “writing inspiration.” I started reading and enjoyed the prompts that followed each short chapter and only required 15 minutes spare time. This was my first taste of writing to prompts and I found it useful and productive. Barbara's easy and friendly writing style is relaxed, but well informed and I liked the way she discussed writing concepts and ideas and made suggestions, while mixing in quotes from other authors.

The life changing part came about when I realised that the author of this book hosts a radio show out of the University of California Irvine called “Writers on Writing”. When I returned to Australia I looked up the show on itunes and started downloading. I listen to the podcasts at night when I can’t sleep, when I'm travelling and feeling anxious, and in the car. I’ve read about a dozen books written by authors whose interviews I've listened to on Writers on Writing. Some of them have been WAY out of the genres I usually read in, and I’ve really enjoyed expanding my horizons. More importantly, I feel like I have a greater insight into a book after hearing the author speak about it on the show. I have a list of about another 30 books to read, all recommendations from the show, and I’m looking forward to more. Barbara and her co-host Marie Stone, ask the authors appearing on the show interesting, well informed questions which are both kind and insightful. I have no doubt that both Barbara and Marie have read the books in question and, most importantly, are excited to talk about them with the author.

Occasionally the show focuses on agents and “the business of writing” and thanks to these shows I have a pretty good idea on how to approach an agent and write a query letter, when the time is right and my “fictional novel” (just kidding! This is apparently a mistake made in a lot of query letters to agents) is finished.

I only just finished off this book today, having picked it up off and on for a few years. I have not completed all the exercises and look forward to returning to my favourite pages, picking up my ink, quill and journal and going for it. I doubt Barbara DeMarco Barrett will read this review, but just in case - thanks for changing my writing and reading life Barbara!

Sunday Salon: The Sharper the Knife the Less You Cry, Tithe, How to Become a Famous Writer Before You're Dead

The Sharper the Knife the Less You Cry: love, laughter and tears at the world’s most famous cooking school
Kathleen Flinn

I wasn’t sure how I was going to go with this memoir of a journalist who spends a year at the “world’s most famous cooking school” Le Cordon Bleu in Paris, but I was surprised at what a quick read it was. Kat’s adventures both in cooking and life through basic, intermediate and superior cuisine and the smattering of French life was compelling enough that I ran through the book in only a couple of sittings. Flinn is a good writer, but I found some of the metaphors between the food she was cooking and her life a bit contrived and trite (love is like a quiche, it has to be cooked at the right temperature and savoured with consideration – these are not Flinn’s words, but she offered up similar cringe worthy metaphors) and I really did get sick of how hearing about how wonderful her husband is. Flinn includes a lot of recipes in the book, but I have to say that French haute cuisine is not for me and I wasn’t tempted to try any of them. However, I did enjoy the book and I loved how Kat took a bad situation where she was retrenched from her job and turned it into the experience of a lifetime, the fulfilment of a long held dream and a completely new pathway in life. Leap and the net will appear!

Ironside
Holly Black

Ironside is the sequal to “Tithe” and unlike Black’s well known “Spiderwick Chronicles” (which I haven’t read) series, Tithe and Ironside are very much for young adult readers and contain adult themes and fairly strong language. I re-read Tithe last week to prepare myself for Ironside and I’m very glad I did. Kaye and Roiben’s world is detailed and involved and I needed the refresher.

After the events of Tithe, Kaye, who is coming to terms with being a pixie and not the ordinary 16 year old girl she thought she was and Roiben, who is (do not read on if you haven’t read Tithe as it is a SPOILER!) now King of the Unseelie Court, are trying to work out their relationship. Kaye makes a rash declaration and must undertake what appears to be a hopeless quest in order to be seen by the court as fit to be Roiben’s consort. Interwoven with this quest is Kaye forming a new identity and coming to terms with how the new Kaye fits into an old life that was never really hers to begin with.

In between Tithe and Ironside Holly Black wrote “Valiant” which is set in the same universe but shares the same characters in only the briefest of ways. Some of the characters from Valiant (one in particular) play a big role in Ironside and I enjoyed the overlap.

The biggest bummer for me with Ironside was that Roiben and Kaye were kept apart for almost the entire book, so there was no real progression with their relationship. I think Black is finished with the “modern faerie” books for now, so I guess that’s one story that just isn’t meant to be told.

How To Become A Famous Writer Before You’re Dead
Ariel Gore

I got this book in my Amazon haul last Christmas. I selected it because it seemed like it would be different from the usual books on writing, but it has taken me a few months to get to reading it. Ariel Gore is a bit famous for her first book “Hip Mama” which discussed her teen pregnancy and her journey into single parenthood. Gore is a breath of fresh air as far as I’m concerned. She has a no bullshit attitude that I relate to and she gets to the bones of things quickly, as opposed to waxing poetic about the writer’s life. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the poetry of people like Gail Sher and Natalie Goldberg when it comes to writing guidebooks, but I like the direct approach as well. Gore comes up with some gems in this “how to” book and while I don’t necessarily want to sell myself as hard as she says you have to, it was a good read. I was a bit bored with the section on how to start your own zine (never heard of this word before this book, and I certainly don’t know of any zines, have never read one and don’t know where to get one) but that’s a minor complaint in an otherwise enjoyable book.

Lots of reading this week, and next week is looking good with a re-visit to the first Aurora Teagarden mystery Real Murders (Charlaine Harris), the finish of BITE (a collection of short stories by authors in the vampire genre including Laurell K Hamilton and Charlaine Harris) and who knows what else.

Happy Sunday reading!

Sunday Salon: Chalice and Feeding the Hungry Heart

Maybe now I can read when I sleep, hmmmm?

This week I read Chalice by Robin McKinley and Feeding the Hungry Heart: The Experience of Emotional Eating by Geneen Roth.

Chalice, a young adult novel by noted fantasy author Robin McKinley, is my first experience with this author and sounded promising. Marisol is a young woodskeeper and beekeeper who lives alone on the parcel of land that was allocated to her family many generations ago, making honey and tending her goats. Her life changes when she is chosen to be "Chalice", an important part of the hierarchy of her county and intrinsically tied to the earthlines of the land. Her county is in trouble - the last Master and his Chalice died in a fire and the new Master is coming back from being an elemental priest and has almost forgotten what it is to be human. If the storyline sounds confusing, that's because it is. It's actually a wonderful idea and I really resonate with the storyline. However, McKinley fails her beautiful story in its telling. For some reason she starts the novel not at the beginning of the story where young Marisol discovers she is Chalice, but instead tells that portion of the story through a series of confusing flashbacks. The language in this book is cumbersome and confusing. The sentences are tangled and there is so much exposition that I almost gave up 80 pages in. I wanted to shout "Show don't tell!!!!" constantly as I felt the first third of the novel was all back story. When you have that much back story you should restructure the book. I recently found the same thing with my novel and I had to admit that I needed to tell the story from the beginning and not try and tell it through flashbacks. Annoying? Yes. But ultimately I hope my book is stronger for it.

I wouldn't recommend this book, despite the lovely storyline and those incredible bees! I read some reviews on Amazon and a lot of people seem to indicate that McKinley's early books are far superior to her later efforts, but for now I think I'll let my experience of this author rest with Chalice.

Feeding the Hungry Heart: The Experience of Emotional Eating is a book I've wanted to read for some time. I'm an emotional eater and I was interested to read what Roth, a noted "expert" on overeating and emotional eating had to say. This book is 25 years old, and focused on a lot of case stories (mostly women married to uncaring men!). I found a lot to resonate with, but I couldn't shake the feeling that I was reading the "left overs" of another better book, and I probably was as I've since discovered this was about the third book Roth had written on the topic. I plan on hunting down her first book as I have a feeling it will have more of the information I'm looking for about emotional eating and less of the stories from women who have the problem.

That's it for this week. I've read a few books in the past weeks - Unwind by Neal Shusterman (amazing) and Tithe by Holly Black (a re-read for me as I wanted to re-acquaint myself with Kaye and Robien's world before beginning it's sequel Ironside).

Happy reading!

Sunday Salon: Forever Liesl, Wuhu Diary, An Ice Cold Grave

Only 3 books for the Sunday Salon this week.

Wuhu Diary: The Mystery of My Daughter Lulu
Emily Prager

This book is about Emily Prager, a writer from New York and her adopted Chinese daughter Lulu. Prager was one of the first "western" women to adopt from China in the late 90's. This book catches up with Prager 4 years down the track when Lulu is 5 and taking her first trip to China to visit the town of Wuhu, where she was born and left on a bridge, a possible victim of China's "one child" policy. Wuhu Diary is a strange sort of book. Parts of it detail boring events such as Prager's injury on a running machine, Lulu's ongoing problem with diarrhea and her sweet friendships with the hotel staff. Presumably Prager thinks these events are interesting as they took place in Wuhu. Other parts of the book are blindly deluded - Prager's absolute faith that sweet President Clinton would never have bombed a Chinese Embassy on purpose, and she tells the Chinese people who speak English this often. It is misguided patriotism in the extreme and I was staggered at how much she believed her own viewpoint with no evidence other than her own feelings. I was also stunned whereby Lulu started playing with an obviously poor little boy in the park and Prager said she had to fight her instincts not to tell the child's father that she would take the boy to the USA and educate him. This stunning display of middle class white person syndrome was glossed over by Prager who I believe genuinely thought she could offer the child more than his own father and family and country.

There are many critical reviews of this book on Amazon, and I understand why. At 5 years old, Lulu possibly wasn't ready to know she was found on a bridge and to be dragged to the orphanage to confront her past, but every parent gets to make these decisions for their child so Prager's actions might have been well suited to Lulu. I found the emphasis she placed on Lulu's dreams or her games to be striking and sometimes, reaching. Sometimes a dream about a crocodile or a game with pandas is just that, not some deep seated processing of adoption trauma. Despite its faults, this is an interesting book and Prager's interest in and respect of Chinese culture (althought she is not above racial stereotypes such as "everyone is happy in China and smile all the time" and unlikely scenarios such as "every adult has time to play with Lulu") is obvious, as is her love for her daughter.

Forever Liesl: My Sound of Music Story
Charmian Carr

I love The Sound of Music. It was my favourite film as a child and I have seen it many many times. I very much enjoyed Charmian Carr's (Liesl) book which showcases her own love for the film. She is generous with her memories of making the movie and lavish in her praise for her celluloid brothers and sisters, with whom she still shares close friendships, even 40 years on. I enjoyed reading about her friendship with Christopher Plummer and her enjoyment at being included with the adults at their hotel in Austria (Carr was 21 at the time of filming, a mere 15 years younger than Plumber and about 6 or so years younger than Julie Andrews). Charmian (pronounced Shar-MEE-an), or Charmy as her friends call her, also details her friendships with the real Trapp family and highlights the differences between their real lives and the film. Carr is now an interior decorator, but still makes apparences to support The Sound of Music. Her book is a quick and easy read and highly recommended for hardcore The Sound of Music fans!

An Ice Cold Grave
Charlaine Harris

I came to Charlaine Harris via the hugely successful Sookie Stackhouse series, and I remain firm in my belief that those books are her best work. I have read her Aurora Teagarden series and her Lily Bard series, as well as the series from which this book - An Ice Cold Grace - is the third installment, and Sookie is her best work.

Harper Connelly and her "brother" Tolliver Lang travel the US hiring out Harper's services as someone who can find dead bodies. She came by this skill after being struck by lightning as a child. She is hired by griefstricken families or the local law enforcement. She finds bodies (which give off a "hum" depending on age) and knows how they died. I find the concept to be interesting, but the execution is always a little off. Harper and Tolliver have no sparkle, nothing of the sweet comic edge that some characters in the Sookie Stackhouse series have. This makes it hard to warm to them, and even harder to stick with them. The mystery angle of the book is usually well written, but this one was telegraphed from miles away. Harris is a gifted writer, though, and despite my misgivings about the characters and the storyline, it is still a quite readable book.

I was thrilled that Harper and Tolliver finally got it on, although I'm not sure how you transition from telling everyone that he is your brother to telling everyone he is your lover. Confused much? Harper and Tolliver are no blood relation, and their lawyer parents married when they were teenagers and had two more children. Their parents became drug addicts and Harper and Tolliver raised their two younger siblings until Harper's sister Cameron went missing one day, their parents were in jail or dead (can't remember which) and they embark on this travelling lifestyle. The overall question of the books is "Where is Cameron?" and she is mentioned in every book and I imagine there will be one whole book that focuses on finding Cameron.

In any case, if you're looking for a great vampire story with a mystery edge, go with the Sookie Stackhouse books. If you're looking for a great mystery (all of Harris' books are mysteries, some are just more obvious mysteries than others) then read the Lily Bard or Aurora Teagarden series. Harper Connelly is a very distant fourth in regards to Harris' best work.

And I'm done. Happy Sunday!

Sunday Salon: Valiant; Audrey, Wait!; Daemon Hall; Skin Deep; A Handbook to Luck; The Hunger Games

It's been a work-free week for me, so there was plenty of reading going on. It feels good to plow through 5 novels on my to-be-read list. Yay!

Valiant – A Modern Tale of Faerie Holly Black
I love Holly Black. Her writing is honest, unashamed, blatant, dirty and makes no apologies. In this, her second book about Faerie, she takes the reader on a ride through the teeming New York City underbelly where rats and homeless teenagers share the same space as malevolent exiled faeries. Our hero, Val, takes off after discovering her mother and her boyfriend are sleeping together. She goes to New York City where she takes up with three unusual friends who live half in this world, and half in another. This bizarre fringe dwelling existence brings her into contact with an exiled troll who teaches Val how to fight and how to find her own self worth in between two worlds which are both crumbling.

The best thing about Holly Black’s writing is that it isn’t dumbed down for a young adult audience. She doesn’t care that her characters aren’t role models and she doesn’t romanticise the vision of sleeping rough in NYC. Val and her friends live amongst rats and stained blankets, they freeze in the unforgiving New York winter and they live on whatever food they come across. I loved the romance at the heart of this book in all its fragile complexity, and the understated journey Val takes from heartsick and betrayed girl to warrior woman. As I said, I love, love, love Holly Black and I can’t wait to revisit Tithe and pick up its sequel, Ironside.

Audrey, Wait! Robin Benway

This is the BEST book I have read in what seems like forever. I devoured almost all of it in about 3 hours and actually woke up in the middle of the night and seriously contemplated finishing it off (sadly, I fell back asleep). Audrey, Wait! is all about how 16 year old Audrey breaks up with her wannabe rockstar boyfriend and he writes a song about their break up (called Audrey, Wait! nache) which becomes hugely successful and thrusts all-I-wanna-be-is-a-normal-16-year-old Audrey into a life of rock stars and paparazzi. The author, Robin Benway, does incredible things with dialogue which makes the writer in me beyond jealous. I laughed and giggled so many times while reading this book and really, it was the best time I’ve had reading in a really long time. Thank you Robin Benway! Audrey, Wait! is actually a young adult book, but don’t let that stop you from picking it up because it is a seriously fun and enjoyable read. I heart Audrey!

Daemon Hall Andrew Nance

This was another of my read-in-almost-one-sitting books. Daemon Hall is a little short on character development, but echoes the style of Neil Gaiman’s Coraline, albeit Coraline being a better book all round. The premise is interesting – 5 writing competition winners (who for some reason are all from the same town and no explanation is offered as to why this is so) have to spend one night in a haunted house with an acclaimed horror writer. The one who makes it through the night gets his or her story published. I enjoyed the way the book jumped from what was happening with the five teenagers and the horror writer in the house to each of their stories, which were entertaining in a short story kind of way, in particular the last one about zombies. On the down side, however, there was little character development and a pretty strange ending. On the whole, I feel like this book was a good idea, but lost something in the execution. It certainly had some creepy moments though.

Skin Deep E.M. Crane

Andrea describes herself as “plain-ish and boring” and she lives a ghost like existence in her home and school life until she meets Honora and her dog Zena. Honora and Zena open Andrea’s world up to art, creativity and friendship and the cycles of living.

I really enjoyed this book. Andrea’s voice is quiet and sure, never intrusive and never blatant. The subtlety of E.M. Crane’s language and voice is truly remarkable, evoking feelings of stillness, great heaving change and understanding. I’m a sucker for stories with dogs in them (and no, nothing awful happens to Zena the St Barnard, thank goodness) and I love the concept of a dog owning a person, and what a gift it can be to be owned by one.

A Handbook to Luck Cristina Garcia

It took me a while to get through this book. Partly because it is Serious (with a capital S) and partly because I have never been fond of the structure Garcia employs, which is to have 3 separate main characters and dedicate chapters to each of them over a long period of time. Marta, an immigrant from El Salvador; Enrique, a Cuban immigrant who moved to Las Vegas with his magician father and Leila, an Iranian woman trapped in a loveless marriage only interact with one another on a handful of occasions over the course of the 300 + page book. Marta and Enrique fall for one another in their early 20’s, but Leila marries a man her mother picked for her and Enrique marries a wannabe showgirl. Marta appears briefly in Enrique’s chapters as his children’s nanny.

I’m not overly fond of serious literature, and this book was very high on small details (flowers, birds, food) and very low on any sort of actual storyline. Even the title was strange – luck? Where? The ending is very unsatisfying and I finished the book feeling sad and a bit depressed. On a positive note, Garcia is an excellent writer and her turn of phrase and obvious understanding of what it is to be an immigrant and adopt a second country is well portrayed. She also created some wonderful characters (in particular Enrique’s father was very entertaining). I don’t think I’d actually recommend this book, but I’m glad I stuck with it through to the end.

The Hunger Games Suzanne Collins

I really enjoyed this book – fast paced, snappy dialogue, excellent storyline development – and as Book 1 of a promised trilogy (Book 2 is due out in September 09 according to Amazon) there is certainly a great deal of potential. Katniss Everdeen lives in a future where the USA has been divided into military districts of starving citizens, gloated over by a strange “Capitol” which seems a bit like an exaggeration of our modern day society. Every year, 2 teenagers are chosen from each district to fight in the Hunger Games, which is broadcast as a reality show. Only 1 of the 24 entrants will win, and they must kill off their opponents to claim victory, and preserve their own life. Katniss is a character without a lot of depth, which makes a certain kind of sense because as the author recognises well into the book, Katniss’ daily life is consumed with hunting and trying to provide food for her mother and sister. There is little other time to work out the meaning of her life and who she is apart from provider (I am hopeful this will be the core of Book 2). There is a confusing romance going on in the book, and Katniss’ allegiance to Peeta, her fellow District 12 Hunger Games contestant and Gale, her partner in hunting at home. This is never resolved, which is annoying but again, a trilogy requires certain themes to carry over between books and this is a big one.

Stephen King wrote an interesting review of this book on Amazon (initially for Entertainment Weekly I believe) and he makes some good points. Firstly, we all know reality tv is evil and Collins isn’t the first author to go down that track (King points out he did the same with The Running Man) and to be honest, the whole “reality tv sucks” theme is a bit played out these days. Secondly, he accuses Collins of some “lazy storytelling” which refers to never mentioning the actual cameras, although Kattniss is filmed at every moment and knows she is being filmed and also whenever Katniss really needs something food, medicine etc, it is parachuted down to her in the game by a “sponsor”. I know from reading King’s “Writers on Writing” that he is particularly harsh on lazy storytelling (understandably so) whereas while I see his point, it wasn’t something that bothered me at the time of reading.

I’m not a fan of the “nuclear fallout” books (mind you, Collins never actually says what happened to cause the breaking of the USA) but I did enjoy this one. I’ll leave it a while before I pick up book 2, but I do want to know what happens when Katniss gets home and where that darn romance ends up!

And that's me for this week. Happy Sunday!

She lives a life...

...of quiet desperation.

The 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women: Week Three

Secret Three: Following Your Fascinations

These are the things that help me to be brave, and to take that step toward my goal, my dream, my light. That step can be painful and frightening and scary and it sometimes makes me feel sick to my stomach.

• Remembering that people believe in me, and in my talent. I remember compliments paid, the look on someone's face as I read the words that flow from my mind, the stories that are uniquely mine.
  
• How I feel when I write - like I've slotted into some invisible groove and this is exactly. where. I. need. to. be. The sense of belonging and hope is something I've looked for my entire life, only to find it inside of myself, induced by the act of writing.
  
• I talk about my writing, mostly to myself. Sometimes I'll be in the car and I'll pretend to be answering questions from a group of people about what it is like to be a successful author. I talk about my characters, my challenges and even though no one is there, and it is just me, I feel like I'm acknowledging my writing self and stroking its soft golden head and thanking it. Okay, that's a little weird. But it works for me. :)
• Knowing that the pain of not doing anything is far more than the discomfort that comes with trying something new.
  
• Planning. I love to plan, even if my execution is a little shaky sometimes. I read the book Wishcraft that Gail McMeekin mentions in this chapter. I love it, and highly recommend it. Even if it is a bit old, the principles are very sound and some of the best ideas I've heard in regards to goal setting and achieving. If I have a good plan, I find this can make all the difference.
  

I think that's it. That's what I do to bring light to the tunnel of creative darkness. I can't wait to read about what you do and create my little toolkit. What a great idea.

My little step this week will be to get up 30 minutes early on Wednesday morning and spend this time writing. I've been a little out of it lately, possibly due to my massive efforts in November for NaNoWriMo. But, this is me, back to an active writing schedule. Hooray!

The 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women: Week Two

If I close my eyes, maybe the world can't see me

Secret Two: Honouring Your Inspirations

Here is what I "heard" in this chapter:

• If I embrace my creativity like a lover, investing time and effort and love and caring into our relationship, my creative self will flourish.
• If I spend time in nature, exploring the elements and simply being outside, this will enhance my creativity.

These are good reminders. I have my own sanctuary to create in - my beloved conservatory where I like to work on my art and read and play with my puppies. I do most of my writing here at my desk in my bedroom, though. It is a comfortable space, but certainly needs some clearing out. I have a scented candle burning at the moment. I have only recently returned to lighting candles, but I can't remember why I stopped.

What talents do you have naturally? Gail McMeekin wants to know. I'm a good writer, a gifted writer even. I love the written word and to play with it, arrange it so it has meaning and breathe to life stories, weaving the words tight and close, well, that is pure joy to me. I am determined, I am funny, I have big dreams and interesting ways of helping them transition from dream to reality, although some are not there yet. All in good time, all in good time.

What drains your creative energy? My day job. Being gone, 10 hours a day, in a place I'm not sure I belong, doing things that curiously have no real meaning. This makes me sad, and sadness zaps my creative spirit. I am trying, though, to bring more creativity to work, to be less sad and more happy. Another work in progress.

I think ultimately, creativity is more important to me than almost anything else. Therefore I must find ways to let it run wild and free in my life.

The 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women: Week One

Secret One: Acknowledging Your Creative Self

I'm excited to be a part of Jamie's current book blogging group. I really enjoyed my experience with Soul Coaching. My favourite parts were getting comments from other people who were sharing my journey, and connecting with them on their blogs. It made me feel part of a community, which is really a very precious thing.

I have read The 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women before. It was more than a year ago now. I found the book through Kimberly Wilson's podcast. I was in a horrible job at the time, and I would sneak chapters in when I wasn't busy and the office dragon wasn't around. I liked the book, and definitely got something out of it. I revisited the book again as a part of Kimberly Wilson's Creativity Circle. I noticed some fairly harsh criticism of the book on that go around, and I admit that due to the heavy load of reading (we were working on 3 books at the same time!) I didn't re-read 12 Secrets.

After I read Chapter 1 today, I thought how lucky I am (and how lucky you are!) that we are not in the same position as Gail McMeekin. We have strong female role models in creativity all around us in this wonderful online community. I can think of at least ten women off the top of my head whose blogs I follow, loving their art or craft or their writing and painting. I follow YOUR journeys of creativity, while going on my own. Even if I don't reach out to all of these women, just knowing you are there means that I don't feel so alone. I feel strong women all around me and I know that if you can do it, so can I.

I am a very creative person, but it took me a long time to come to believe that statement, and live it. First and foremost I am a writer and words are my main art form. But I love to dance (only by myself in my house), paint, colour, glue, scrapbook, make origami and doodle. I've been so much happier since embracing the creativity in my soul. I know that I don't have to be the best dancer, or the best painter, or the most perfect writer. I just have to try. And that, my new friends, is the most fun thing of all. All the possible joy that can flow from creativity.

I look forward to reading some of your entries for the first week - I'm so excited!

Sunday Salon: New York, New York

This amazing photograph is from a collection called 'The City' by Lori Nix

Biting the Big Apple by Bella Vendramini, Lip Service by MJ Post, Not Quite What I Was Planning and The Friday Night Knitting Club by Kate Jacobs.

I feel like I've been in New York this week. It started with Biting The Big Apple, a memoir from an Australian/New Zealand actress as she studies, lives and loves in New York City. Bella (we're on a first name basis) and I are basically complete opposites. I too have lived, loved and worked overseas, but with much more planning and control than Bella, who sort of launched from experience to experience by the seat of her pants. Her way definitely makes for a better memoir. This book is compulsive reading, probably more so for Australians like myself as we get all of the cultural references and language mangling. We also get the difference between Australia and New York, and Australia and the USA in general, which you'll never understand unless you're Australian. I read this book in about a day, and it was highly entertaining. Who couldn't love irresponsible, yet apparently highly talented Bella? She's very likable and self deprecating, which makes her endearing. The main beef I have with the book concerns Bella's romances. She has two major romances - the first is her own "Mr Big" (whose fake name in the book is James), some rich guy who is intellectual, sensitive and wonderful. Well, he would be if he wasn't an abusive and raving alcoholic who abuses Bella verbally and emotionally, and almost does her physical harm. The second is a nice Israeli musician who is apparently great in the sack, but pretty dumb. He doesn't believe in Bella's dreams or in creativity in general. Obviously Bella dumps James because he's an abusive alcoholic and eventually gets together with the not so smart guy. What bothered me was in the final chapters Bella was saying that she had to leave Israeli guy as he didn't believe in her dreams and THAT WAS WORSE THAN WHAT JAMES HAD DONE TO HER. Um, what? At the end of the book, after being very clear at the beginning about the things James had done and said to her, she goes soft on him at the end? Call me crazy, but I'd consider a mentally and psychologically abusive guy to be far worse that a guy who didn't believe in me. I wouldn't want to be with either, of course, but really... Things made more sense when I read this interview conducted with Bella after the book was published. Apparently she and James married after she wrote the book, although they are now separated. Ah...I see. She was writing the book either just before or during their reconciliation, so she decided to justify her choice and say the Israeli guy was the more abusive of the two... Oh, Bella. So to sum up, it was a good read, very funny in places, cringe worthy in others, but I can't overlook the fact that she justified an abuser and tried to hold him up as a hero.


My next New York book was The Friday Night Knitting Club. I've been wanting to read this one for while, and picked it up on a whim at the library. It was an interesting book, quite clearly a first novel. I found it intriguing and compelling reading, even if it didn't actually have a plot until the last quarter of the book. Prior to that it was basically just getting to know the women who frequent the club. I agree with other reviewers who have argued that the characters are stereotypical. Yes, they are. And it is unabashedly soppy, with a death, a reunion, a late in life romance, a planned for yet still unexpected baby and a break up. I'm not a knitter, but I imagine knitters would love this book for all its knitting references. I noticed that Julia Roberts is starring in the screen adaptation of the book, and it is due out in 2010. I don't think I'll bother going to see it.


My final New York book is MJ Rose's Lip Service. I heard the author interviewed on the Writers on Writing podcast. I like erotic fiction, as long as there is a storyline and the sex is all relevant. Otherwise it would just be porn, and how boring would that be? Lip Service was compelling enough for me to read it in 24 hours. It was a slow build - Julia, a psychologically fragile unhappily married woman becomes a phone sex "therapist" in order to research a book for a sexual therapy institute. The book delves into Julia's repressed sexuality, her redundant relationship with her psychiatrist husband Paul, and her long term friendship with Jack, who has been in love with Julia for years. I thought Rose did a great job, and the twist at the end is pretty neat.

My final read this week was Not Quite What I Was Planning: Six Word Memoirs By Famous and Obscure Writers. I heard about this book on the Writers on Writing podcast too. Seriously, that podcast has done wonders for my branching out in reading styles. I've read and enjoyed a whole bunch of books that I probably wouldn't otherwise know about if it weren't for the show. The story behind the six word memoirs in Not Quite What I Was Planning is that Ernest Hemingway was asked to write a story in six words. He said - For sale: baby shoes, never used. Pretty intriguing, huh? So the editors at Smith Magazine asked, via their website, for six word memoir submissions. The results are sometimes funny, sometimes sad, and often brilliant. Some examples:

Cursed with cancer. Blessed with friends.
Crappy parents killed my self esteem.
Revenge is living well, without you.
Country girl seeks, finds, abandons city.
So devastated, no babies for me.
In a Manolo world, I'm Keds.
She walked barefoot in wet cement.

Interesting stuff.

Happy reading, friends!

Dear 2008

I've read a few blogs that have used the format "Dear 2008" to sort of farewell the year and move on. Last year I tried the Mondo Beyondo method and found it to be useful, so I think I'll mix up the two approaches and see how I go.

Dear 2008,

Now that you're gone, I'm not sure what to say. I was ready for you to go, but that's me. I'm itchy. I need to know that time is passing, things are moving. I often remind myself that time moves at the same speed whether I'm enjoying myself or not. In the next breath I try to deconstruct the notion of time. It doesn't exist really, it is just one more thing we use to try and control life. I like control. I like to know what is happening. 2008 was a year for me to let go of that a bit.

2008 was a year of travel. I took my first trip to Melbourne to see a very dear friend of mine get married. I loved Melbourne, and I couldn't believe it took me so long to get there. The trams, the little alleys, the shopping, the bookstores, the food, the markets...I heart Melbourne. I took a surprise trip to the UK and Europe. By "surprise" I mean that I had no idea I was going, and had in fact decided not to travel for a while and concentrate on paying off my credit cards. Then the email for the writer's retreat to Scotland found its way into my inbox and before you know it, I had decided to go there, and for my first trip to Europe. I am so glad I did. I'm a different person now that the sunny days and starlit nights of Rome, Paris, Lucerne and Florence have soaked into my body and soul. My most recent trip was to Cairns, to visit my wonderful cousin and her equally wonderful (if not slighty more so...) baby Kaylee Maree, and to Sydney to see my soul friend Caroline. Travel is an intrinsic part of who I am. While certain parts of taking a journey upset and distress me (I like control, remember? Travel is rarely controlled), the pay off is worth it, one hundred times over. There will be more travel in 2009, oh yes there will.

2008 was the year my cousin gave birth to the incredible spirit that is Kaylee Maree. Oh Kaylee, how we longed for your arrival. And how much you have brought with you. When all hope seems to be lost, we only have to look into your eyes to know that there is so much more. My cousin gave Kaylee my name as a middle name. I don't think I've ever been more honoured by anything in my life. That she loves me so much that her child carries my name is such a beautiful thing.

2008 heralded the arrival of Mollie Moo. Actually, she arrived in late December 2007, but close enough. Mollie (also known as "The Moo" or just "Moo") was rescued from the pound. I saw her picture on a local animal shelter website and decided she might just be the one. I wanted a similar dog to a golden retriever as I already had the noble steed that is Hopie. We went to visit Mollie and I decided to take her home. I then cried the whole way home, worried that I had ruined Hopie's life and my life and who was this new dog anyway? I stuck it out, and how very glad I am that I did. Mollie and I were meant to be together. Mollie with her tail that wags almost constantly, Mollie who gets up every time I enter a room to come and greet me, Mollie who looks at me with adoration in her eyes, Mollie who if I woke up and called her name in the night would come in a heartbeat. Mollie who cost me $3000 after deciding to eat half a towel. But we won't talk about that too much. I love my Mollie Moo with all of my heart, and I'm so glad we've found each other. I'm also very glad that Hopie has adjusted to being a big sister. It makes me smile when I watch Mollie lay down very close to Hopie, and Hopie heaves a big sigh and lets her lay there. Ah, Hopie baby dog, we're about to begin the 5th year of our journey together and you warm my heart and my soul. I don't think I would have survived the past five years without you.

2008 was the year of writing. I wrote and wrote and wrote. I found my rhythm, lost it, found it again. I let the words flow where they wanted to. I began. I found my way. I participated in NaNoWriMo and won, clocking over 51,000 words. Yay! I am a writer these days and my novel will be published. Watch this space.

Notice how I've carefully recorded events and not emotions. Now for Mondo Beyondo:

1. What do you want to acknowledge yourself for in regard to 2008?

I want to acknowledge how far I've come with my writing. It was all just a frgmented dream this time last year, and now it is much more tangible. I can taste it (it tastes like sweet spring water), I can smell it (it smells like fresh reams of neatly stacked paper and soft incense), I can feel it (it feels like fire that burns without pain, it feels like soft rain, it feels like a bagel - strong and shiny on the outside, soft and wooly on the inside) and I can hear it (it sings to me in the softest of breaths). I'm so proud of myself.

I want to acknowledge how I shifted my approach to my working day. These shifts have led to new opportunities for 2009, which are both exciting and frightening.

I want to acknowledge my weigh loss journey. I lost 15kg, which is a major achievement. It's sad to me that I've put on about 9 of the kilos I lost. It's a continuing battle, and not an easy one.

2. What is there to grieve about 2008?

I grieve for dreams and fantasies that remain unfulfilled and out of reach. I grieve for her, the other me, my opposite. I grieve for the fact that I am without a parent, and I grieve for the loss of innocence that comes with losing a parent, not just for me, but for everyone who has ever lost their mother or father.

I forgive myself for not being perfect, for not being debt free, for not being a lawyer, for not being a mother or a wife. I forgive myself for getting angry and for being demanding with myself and others.

3. What else do you need to say about the year to declare it complete?

I think I've said most of what I wanted to say. I declare 2008 complete and I'm looking forward to seeing how 2009 will unfold.

Your pal,

Maree

There is a second part to Mondo Beyondo...I expect I'll get to it soon enough.

Sunday Scribblings: I believe...

I believe in less than I used to.

Loss does that to a person.

Things have been snatched from my tight grasp, tearing fingernails and flesh. My legs tremble, my nerves jump erratically under my skin and my breath becomes shallow, so shallow it seems as if I'll never breathe deeply again. Around that corner is someone who means me harm. He'll carve his name on my virgin flesh as I accept the horror, safe in the knowledge that it could be worse because I know worse, and expect no better.

But you don't know that, do you? You don't know what "worse" is. Smile your golden smile and accept the graciousness of the world. For every one of you, there are ten of me. We, with bones snapped, black blood seeping, organs pierced and hearts shredded...we suffer so that you may believe.

Hard times come to us all, of course. You will one day lose your smile, your moment in the sun. You'll join our ranks of pain and fear. It's not all bad, you know. After all, the worst has happened and now you can spend the rest of your days on hands and knees, searching through the tattered remains of your beliefs for that most elusive of things - hope.

Sunday Salon: Books Galore

I've been absent from the Sunday Salon for a while. I've thought about posting, but just haven't quite got there. The reading has continued of course, so I'm going to talk about The Subtle Knife, Red Leather Diary: Reclaiming a Life Through the Pages of a Lost Journal, Standing at Water’s Edge - Moving Past Fear, Blocks, and Pitfalls to Discover the Power of Creative Immersion and American Gods.


I read Neil Gaiman's American Gods a few months back, after enjoying his young adult novel Coraline so much. American Gods was an incredibly memorable book. I read a lot and even if I enjoy a book it tends to go a little fuzzy after a while. Not so with American Gods, parts of which are still razor sharp in my mind. Characters and scenarios still come to my mind often, even after a few months which is always the sign of a great book. I won't say it was an easy read (particularly the last third or so) but it was continually surprising and unwound itself like 20 metres of red ribbon on a blanket of white snow. I didn't know where to look thought, or what evocative image to entertain. I wanted to read the book in snippets, digesting it slowly, and savouring the complicated stories of how Gods were transported to America, and their slow decline. I thought Gaiman's tension between the old Gods and the new Gods (I loved the idea of the Chrome Gods, who received hundreds of thousands of sacrifices every year from people in car accidents and the drug gods, who again were worshipped in the thousands). I felt like things came a little undone at the end and I wasn't necessarily satisfied with how the final battle went down (or didn't), but what a hell of a ride.


The Red Leather Diary was a nice little find. I can't remember who recommended it to me, but it arrived on my loan shelf at the library just before Christmas. It even had its own red tag - THIS BOOK IS IN HEAVY DEMAND, return it fast or we'll hunt you down - you know the sort of thing. I read a few pages when I left the library and I was hooked. Lily Koppel discovered Florence's diary in an old trunk being thrown out in her apartment building in New York. It detailed the life of Florence, a young girl who was 14 at the start of the diary and 19 at its end, who had a passion for writing, art, men and women and life in general. It faithfully documents New York City in the 20's and 30's and is a wonderful, colourful read. A writer for the New York Times, Koppel wrote a piece on the diary which she then decided to turn into a book. The young girl who wrote the journal is now an old woman of 90, but still with plenty of vigour and passion. The book isn't just transcribed diary entries, but is rather broken into subject matter and interspersed with interviews Koppel did with the 90 year old Florence and her friends and surviving family. In short, it is fascinating and I highly, highly recommend it.


The Subtle Knife is the second of Philip Pullman's award winning Golden Compass series. I bought the omnibus a while back and I've been wading through it. The Subtle Knife was actually an easier read for me than His Dark Materials, possibly because I'd seen the movie and pretty much knew what the main plot points were, which didn't create much mystery or intrigue. The second book is very different from the first and I can understand the reluctance of filmmakers to commit to filming the trilogy. However, I loved the character of Will and I felt Lyra was much more sure of herself in this book and hence a bit less whiny. This was very much the story of two children. I missed Iorek, and of course the loss in this book of one of my favourite characters saw me crying my eyes out. So sad. :( I can also understand the whole religious uproar around the books now. The first book isn't at all controversial in terms of the church. Critical yes, controversial no. But the second one takes it to a new level with the idea of Lord Asriel finding God and planting a knife in his chest. I love controversy though, and I love ballsy plot choices. More power to you, Philip Pullman.


That's a microscopic image of Anne Paris' Standing at Water’s Edge - Moving Past Fear, Blocks, and Pitfalls to Discover the Power of Creative Immersion. The good news: I can relate to all of Paris' main points in this book. It is definitely speaking to me and I'm finding that it has a wonderfully refreshing take on creativity and some new ideas. The bad news: It reads like a Phd thesis. It is impossibly cemented in a bunch of academic references and talk about parenting and how if your parents didn't tell you your drawings were great when you were a kid you became moody and withdrawn and can't be your own best friend etc etc. Some of this info is interesting, but after a while it just becomes redundant. We wouldn't be reading this book if we were having a great artistic life. Let's all agree we weren't really encouraged as children and stop belabouring the point! I also think more examples from Paris' clinical work would be great too. I'm sticking with this book because like I said, it is speaking to me. But I'm used to academic texts and I can imagine it might be a bit heavy going if you're not as forgiving as I'm willing to be.

And that, my friends, is it for my Sunday Salon. It's my birthday this week and I know at least 2 delicious books are headed my way and I also have almost $100.00 worth of vouchers to use up this week in local bookstores so yay! Happy reading.

Remington Typewriters and Red Leather Diaries

I requested this book at the library some time ago. I can't even remember where I heard about it. Maybe I should work on that. Writing down where the recommendation comes from. Except of course it is hard enough to write down the book title and I've only just started a separate little book filled with "must reads".

Anyway, I went to return Kim Harrison's Where Demons Dare and asked if there were any books on hold for me. Two were, one of which is the a fore referenced The Red Leather Diary: Reclaiming a Life Through the Pages of a Lost Journal. I sat in the car and read the inside cover, which had me sitting in the car for a little longer starting to read the prologue. I decided to actually get out of the car and take this fascinating book to the coffee shop and read it while I drank coffee and ate croissant. So I did, and I've been reading it on and off all day. Not too much, and not too little. Just the right amount to immerse myself in the New York of the 20's. On page 72 I came across a picture of a Remington typewriter, made in 1928 and painted lavender that the diarist had convinced her parents to buy for her. I was suddenly seized with the need to touch my Remington typewriter.



To say that it is mine is a little misleading. This Remington typewriter belonged to my Grandmother or my Great Grandmother and has been sitting in my father's shed for all almost-32 years of my life. I've never seen it operational and I have no idea whether or not it can be made operational. All I know is that it is time to try and restore it. I actually know nothing about restoring typewriters. A helpful website here suggests I start with a soft damp cloth and go from there, so I'm going to give it a try tomorrow. The website also suggests some steel wool and a few other cleaning products (alcohol for the keys apparently) so I'll get those tomorrow too and see what I can see. So far I know there is a LOT of rust, so that will take some getting rid of. Plus, I suspect that not really knowing what I'm doing will be a problem at some point. But for now, I'm just excited!

Here are some pictures of my Remington's current sad state:



This is the "carry case". You seriously do NOT want to know how heavy this typewriter is. Maybe it is made out of iron???


Despite the sheer amount of rust visible, and the very fact I'm restoring a typewriter when what I don't know about typewriters could fill a warehouse, I'm still excited about my project. I feel a strong sense of serendipity here. I'm a writer, and I have to assume that my Grandmother or my Great Grandmother (who both died about 20 years before I was born) was a writer. Why the hell else would they drag this incredibly heavy typewriter out from England when they moved to Australia?

I'm a writer. And maybe, just maybe, this is a Grandmother's gift to a granddaughter she knew she would never meet. I couldn't think of a better present.

I. Want. This. Library.

I want this guy's library.

I mean, seriously. If I was a dot com millionaire, this is exactly what I'd do with all that money.

Soul Coaching: Day Eighteen

Day Eighteen: Being Present and Saying Yes to Life

I've been quiet the last few days. I've been at a three day conference with work, and it has been such a struggle to find joy there. I managed to find some joy - my work colleagues making me laugh, the good food, how I could read my book in the breaks, the fact that the coffee was decent - but it was difficult. Basically I've outgrown my job and I'm ready for something more challenging and I've known that for a while. This week has reinforced that feeling.

Over the past year I have become very good at using "could" instead of "should". I'm a writer, so I am very careful with words, or at least I try to be.

As for today, well, I understand the idea behind living in the present moment. I do try - and I tried again today - but I think I have a life that makes it very difficult to be. here. right. now. I have letters today about my superannuation and retirement savings - I'm in my early 30's, but I have to plan now, according to them. There is a credit card statement with a due date in the future. I have a job interview on Monday (hooray for fire!) and I must prepare for that. I have to go to work tomorrow so I need to have clothes prepared or I'll be searching for something half decent in the morning. My dogs need to be fed soon, and I must take Mollie to the vet about her eye.

See? All of these things are important and my choices mean at least part of me must be in the future. I also like to spend part of my time in the past - my wonderful holiday to Europe was in July - should I just forget that because it is over? No, plus that holiday had an effect on who I am now.

I just don't think it is as simple as be right here in the moment all the time, no matter how much I appreciate the sentiment.

Soul Coaching: Day Fifteen

Day Fifteen: Confronting Fear/Developing Faith

Would you rather be good or whole?

Unequivocably, I would rather be whole.

I am afraid of how bright my light can shine, of being successful beyond my wildest imaginings, of being a mother, of never being truly loved for who I am, of dying before I've lived, of losing more of the people close to me, of working full time for the rest of my life and yet never being of any use, of never sleeping again, of never being held again, of my dogs running away due to carelessness, of going blind or deaf, of drowning in my own depression.

If I am never loved for who I am, I will survive. I will have been true to myself, to who I am and I will love myself for who I am. Which is really the most important thing, right?

I am willing to fail, and fail epicly and fantastically. To go down in flames, if you'll excuse the pun in this fire week we're in. I'll go down in flames if I must, but before I go down, I'll go up, even if for a few glorious seconds. Then I'll try again and I'll go up for a few more seconds.

Great things can be built, one brick at a time, one step at a time, one fearless action at a time.

I believe this.

Soul Coaching: Day Fourteen

Day Fourteen: Releasing Victim Thinking/Choosing Your Life

Isn't this interesting? This is something I have been working at for a long time now, and I have been paying specific attention to it during the course of Soul Coaching. I am very careful with my language these days.

I'm so stupid becomes That was silly of me, I will be more present in this moment

I'm just not lucky becomes I'm very lucky, and abundance is all around me

I'm so angry that she said that becomes How can I understand this person better?

This whole self improvement thing is difficult. It would be much easier to sit in the corner and blame the world for everything, taking no responsibility. I know people like that. But I pity them. I want to live my life and be happy. I want to have dreams and goals. I want to risk everything for the promise of something. A life lived in fear is a life half lived, and I want so very much to be fully alive.

Who I am is enough, just as I am